Take weight off your weight
Since I can remember, I have been a person with a body considered “extra”, something that for some reason continues to have many negative connotations today. That’s how I grew up, seeing my body as something bad, something wrong. In addition to having extra weight, I am a tall woman, so we could consider that I am a large woman in more ways than one.
And although today, it is something that I usually appreciate in my person, it was not always like that. I have made a list of everything that despising and invalidating my body generated in me. Mainly everything I stopped doing out of fear of looking bad, feeling that, being a fat woman, I did not deserve to enjoy certain things.
Being a woman, I grew up with rules that exist in society of being delicate, always prudent (aka don’t say what you think, don’t use your voice a lot), tender, careful, maternal and in my personal case being a fat woman, I had to compensate my weight with being an exemplary woman. Not to mention openly showing your taste in food because accepting that I love food was grotesque. Of course, be “good vibes”, never have bad days or say when I did not like something … Basically that role of the happy chubby that you want to be because how is a fat woman going to please people if she does not accept everything they say to her or do they? And accept the famous attempt to praise: “to be chubby you are very pretty”, as if making the word fat diminutive removes the fact that being fat is a bad thing for you.
There are implicit rules, that at least in my environment, were very marked.
I don’t consider that things remain the same, because, just as I have changed and learned, I know many other people too. But it is a fact that I had a series of experiences where I was reminded in some way that I did not deserve the same affection or right to enjoy certain activities or even certain clothes because being fat is not okay and, what did that generate in me? A lot of insecurity and discouragement to do things that I enjoyed because my body was not “aesthetic”.
I fervently detested what I saw in the mirror because on the one hand I did not like and on the other what people liked about me, not everything was real and that involved me in an identity crisis that today I continue to work with.
And I talk about my fatness because it is something I live with every day, but I know that there are people who, because they are very small or thin, straight or curly, very white or brown, and a lot of physical aspects that do not fit into it. The pattern of perfection, which can cause us to limit ourselves not to do or try certain things that we want because it does not look good.
Speaking from my experience, I spent so many years hating what I was that I missed so many opportunities to enjoy who I am.
Diets, exercises, limitations, disorders and obsessions with always looking good with a “when I lose weight I will be valuable, beautiful and I will be happy” that I did not realize that, in reality, I could be happy already, at this precise moment, like this as it was, with a body that has been with me in many battles and that takes care of us, it adapts to my changes and allows me to do so much just by deciding.
The weight and what it entails, goes far beyond the physical and it is a daily personal work to deal with it and it helps a lot that people stop talking about any body in general, because at the end of the day everyone has faced many situations that most of the time are reflected in our body.
Some of the practices that have worked for me to begin to accept my body and work from there on the changes that I consider appropriate for me have been:
- Go to therapy. I am one of the people who cannot get tired of recommending going to therapy. Talking openly about your ideas, your thoughts, your problems is a very brave position and having professional help to guide you is one of the investments that you will not regret once you find a psychologist and a suitable therapy for you.
- Focus on your whole person. Although it may not seem like it, you are more than a body and your body is not only to be seen as decoration. Get moving, use it and admire everything it is capable of.
- If you like something, put it on. Many times I stopped putting on certain clothes because they did not see me as I idealized and instead of adapting the clothes to my body, I adapted my body to the clothes. How did I do this? Covering it up, hiding it with baggy clothes that I didn’t like at all. Of course, if you like it, it’s perfect. The important thing is to feel comfortable and at ease with what you wear.
- Take care of the content you consume on social networks. Following accounts that talk about the diversity of bodies and that you see that you are not the only person dealing with these problems helps a lot to accept what you see or give you an idea of how to start doing it.
- Don’t compare yourself. I think I place a lot of emphasis on comparisons, but it has really helped me to use the comparisons that I make as a way to improve and not to reproach me for what I may lack or have excess.
I know that it is a situation in which you will gradually come out if you decide to do so and if you can receive the necessary support and help for you. What works for me may not work the same for you and that’s fine, we are different, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change something about yourself if you don’t like it. Just try to identify that what you want to change about yourself, you do it mostly because it is something that makes you feel good and is for your well-being.
When you start to feel good about who you are, trust and acceptance come and that makes all the difference to you. Instead of focusing on hating ourselves and blaming ourselves for everything we don’t like, let’s focus on finding ways to feel good without guilt and remembering that we have the body that we have, we deserve respect and love from us towards ourselves.