We see the red carpet photos, the witty late-night show appearances, and the critically acclaimed projects. We see success. For years, actress Aubrey Plaza and her husband, filmmaker Jeff Baena, represented a bastion of creative collaboration and indie cool. Together, they made films like “Life After Beth” and “The Little Hours,” building a life that, from the outside, looked like a perfect fusion of love and art. But the heartbreaking news of Jeff Baena’s death by suicide in January 2025 shattered that public image, leaving behind a stark and painful reminder: we never truly know the private battles others are fighting.
This tragedy forces a difficult but necessary conversation that goes far beyond Hollywood. It’s about the curated lives we all present to the world versus the complex, often messy, realities we live internally. Why is it that our culture, fueled by social media, encourages us to post only our wins, our smiles, our picture-perfect family moments? The answer is rooted deep in our psychology.
Aubrey Plaza explores complex emotional themes, mirroring the “silent depression” that can exist behind the camera, and partner, Jeff Baena
The Silent Epidemic: Key Facts of Suicide from the World Health Organization You Need to Know
- Globally, over 720,000 people die by suicide every single year.
- It is the third leading cause of death for young people aged 15-29.
- For every tragic death, many more people attempt suicide. A prior suicide attempt is one of the most significant risk factors.
- Suicide is never caused by just one thing; its reasons are complex and influenced by a mix of social, psychological, and biological factors throughout a person’s life.
- A staggering 73% of all global suicides happen in low- and middle-income countries, making it a worldwide health crisis.
The Highlight Reel: Why We Hide Our Struggles
We are social creatures, wired to seek approval and avoid rejection. On a primal level, showing weakness could have meant being cast out from the tribe. In modern society, this translates into a fear of social and professional stigma. Admitting you’re struggling can feel like admitting failure, a vulnerability that feels dangerous in a world that valorizes stoic, quiet strength. For famous figures, this pressure is magnified a thousand times over. The constant scrutiny and need to maintain a “brand” can make it feel impossible to show cracks in the facade. Every public appearance is a performance, but the emotional toll of that performance often remains hidden.
Social media has become the ultimate stage for this performance of perfection. We build “curated selves” online, presenting a highlight reel of our lives that often leaves out the bloopers, the sadness, and the fear. This not only creates a false standard for others but can also deepen our loneliness when our real life doesn’t measure up to the filtered version we’ve created.
Male Depression and the Crisis of Silence
Jeff Baena’s death brings a tragically common issue into sharp focus: male suicide. Statistically, the disparity is shocking. In 2022, the suicide rate among men was approximately four times higher than among women. Men account for nearly 80% of all suicides in the U.S., yet they are far less likely to be diagnosed with or seek treatment for depression.
Clinical psychologists point to societal norms and the straitjacket of traditional masculinity as a major culprit. Men are often socialized from a young age that “boys don’t cry” and that expressing emotional pain is a sign of weakness. This can lead men to experience depression differently, not necessarily as sadness, but as anger, irritability, or recklessness. They may turn to substance use to cope or throw themselves into work, masking their internal turmoil until it becomes unbearable. The stigma prevents them from speaking up, and because they don’t “look” depressed in the traditional sense, those around them may not recognize the warning signs.
The Lifelong Echo of Trauma and Family Dynamics
To understand the roots of mental health struggles, we often have to look back. Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows a powerful link between early-life trauma and adult mental health. Experiences like abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction can alter brain development, particularly in areas related to stress response and emotion regulation. This can make an individual more susceptible to developing conditions like depression, anxiety, and PTSD later in life. Surviving childhood trauma can create lifelong feelings of shame and guilt, making it incredibly difficult to form healthy relationships and a stable sense of self-worth as an adult. These wounds, often invisible, can shape a person’s entire life if left unaddressed.
What To Do When You’re Worried About a Loved One
When a tragedy like this happens, one of the most common and haunting questions is, “What could I have done?” Supporting a loved one with depression is incredibly challenging, but it’s not impossible. It starts with connection and conversation.
- Listen Without Judgment: Let them know you’re there to listen. You don’t need to have the answers; you just need to provide a safe space for them to talk without giving advice or opinions.
- Be Specific With Offers of Help: Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” which puts the burden on them, offer concrete help. Say, “Can I come over and help with chores?” or “Let’s go for a walk together.” Routines and small tasks can feel overwhelming for someone with depression.
- Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest they speak to a professional, explaining that depression is a treatable medical condition, not a personal flaw. Offer to help them find a therapist or make the first appointment.
- Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a mental illness is emotionally draining. It’s vital to set boundaries and take care of your mental health. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Signs It’s Time to Seek Help
Recognizing when it’s time to get help for yourself or encourage someone else to is a critical first step. It’s more than just having a bad week. Watch for persistent mental health changes that interfere with daily life:
- Lasting sadness, anxiety, or feelings of emptiness.
- Loss of interest in hobbies and activities you once enjoyed.
- Significant changes in appetite or sleep patterns (too much or too little).
- Constant fatigue and lack of energy.
- Increased irritability, frustration, or angry outbursts.
- Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or hopelessness.
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
- Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide.
If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, getting professional help is key. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
The Path to Healing: What to Expect from Treatment
Seeking therapy can feel intimidating, but it is one of the most effective treatments for depression. The first session is usually about getting to know your therapist and sharing what brought you there. It’s a space to build trust. Subsequent sessions are collaborative; you and your therapist will work together to identify unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors and develop new coping strategies. The length of therapy varies for everyone; it could be a few months or longer, depending on your needs. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with commitment to the process, therapy can equip you with the tools to manage your mental health and reclaim your life.
A Call for Compassion
The loss of Jeff Baena is a profound tragedy that underscores an urgent truth: success is not a shield against suffering. Behind every public smile and social media post is a human being with a complex inner world. This moment calls on us to look beyond the surface, to dismantle the stigma that equates vulnerability with weakness, and to be more gentle with ourselves and others. We must champion open conversations about mental health, especially among men, and create a culture where asking for help is as normal as seeing a doctor for a physical illness. In doing so, we not only honor the memories of those we’ve lost but also light a path for those who are still fighting.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or considering self-harm, please seek support. Call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Help is available 24/7, it’s free, and it’s confidential.
By Jace A.
